I think most people would not wish for introverted children when they contemplate parenthood. When we become parents, we all have an ideal child in mind based on what we’ve experienced, society and outside influences. Reality is often different and that ideal reworks itself along the way. We often feel that kids enjoy being loud, meeting other kids and adore asking all the embarrassing questions. Some do, but others just don’t and that’s a chance. Life would be hell if all kids were extroverted. Having different personality traits makes things balanced and more interesting.
As a kid, I wished I was cooler, louder, funnier, but the truth is I enjoyed my time alone and hated team sports. Our society praised extroverted personalities more, so my parents, like many parents, kindly tried to push me towards that ideal that wasn’t mine. Here is a list of things I wish my parents didn’t make me do as an introverted child…
1. Make me take a school picture with my brother.
I don’t think many introverted children enjoy having their picture taken. I was around 4 or 5 and it was my first school picture. My parents insisted I did a portrait with my older brother. He was a natural, handsome, had a big smile and sparkly eyes. I looked like I could kill the photograph with my eyes. A pissed off bull with bangs.
This picture has been in my parents’ office ever since and everyone loves looking at it. I still feel the same way when I have to get my picture taken today. Maturity and a tendency for compliance force me to, at least, try to smile with my eyes. Don’t ever ask me to take a selfie…
2. Make me say hi to everyone.
As for many introverted children, saying hello was not very natural to me. No later than last weekend, my uncle reminded me that he was annoyed with me at a young age because I never said hi to him. Automatically, people saw me as a rude little girl and I totally understand why. At age 37, I get annoyed too when kids don’t say hi or thank you to me because those are the basic politeness standards.
I grew up in France and saying hi to someone always involved a cheek kiss or 2 or 3 depending on the region. This physical proximity bothered me even with my own parents, and I always dreaded it. I still do…
3. Tell me I should smile more.
I heard that sentence my whole life. I should smile more; I look grouchy. What could I reply to this? I’m sorry I’m not a sparkly, chatty little girl. Some people smile a lot, I don’t, but I’m feeling fine. The positive is that it saved me many wrinkles!
Hearing that I should smile more always made me believe that there was something wrong with me and that everyone else was happier. That sentence really broke my spirit and I can’t stand hearing it anymore. That’s what my face looks like; what are you smiling for anyway?
4. Send me to summer camp.
This was the ultimate challenge for the introverted child that I was. Being with 30+ kids I didn’t know, singing songs, playing loudly, singing some more and this all day long. All I wanted was being alone and isolate myself to recharge my batteries a little. I remember that this non-stop stimulation was very draining and I really had to put on an acting hat to fit in.
5. Sign me up for dance classes.
I would like to put that one into perspective though. As a younger child, I had a hard time with dance classes because dancing also involved attitude, facial expressions, energy. All that in a group and in front of an audience. It was a challenge as an introverted child.
As I grew older, I left my introverted personality in the locker and approached dance classes as role play. In fact, I was able to be a different person during the class, on stage, and I liked it. As of today, I still approach difficult situations as an actor. For example, if I go to an interview or have to do something out of my comfort zone; I usually pretend to be more extraverted than I really am for the sake of the situation.
6. Not let me have my style.
I was not the loudest or most outgoing child, but I enjoyed fashion in my teenage years. Clothes were a way to express myself. I was picky and knew what I wanted while trying to be original and unique in the way I dressed. My mother wished I had a more streamlined style and always tried to keep me from being creative with my clothes. It all resulted in disputes, me buying clothes behind her back and fragilized relationships.
I wish she had embraced my creativity more rather than trying to shut it off.
I’m a mother now and I tend to worry when my girls are not talking or smiling enough. Then I remember where I come from and how childhood was. I make an effort to let my children be and give them plenty of quiet time. Trying to be reassuring by telling them that there is no ideal way to behave; that there is room for everyone is our daily motto. I do my best to bring their qualities to light, so they are able to build self-esteem, confidence and feel good about who they are.
I thank my parents for being themselves, for trying to do what they thought was best and for pushing me out of my comfort zone (more than I wanted). They always had the best intentions and their false steps were just in line with society 30 years ago. I learned from their honest mistakes to become, I hope, an honest parent to my daughters and let their personality be their best asset.
Here are few quotes that will make you go “me too!”:
“I saw people through the window today. That’s enough social interaction.”
“I always regret the plans I made when I was in a 5-minute extroverted mood.”
“Open floor plans are an elaborate scheme by extroverts to lower the productivity of introverts.”
“I hate when I go out in public and the public is there.”
“If this weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans.”
Check out The Rockle’s quotes if you haven’t had enough!
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