Learn to Say No – 10 things I say no to for a happier life.
Saying no always feels like I’m letting somebody down. I don’t like disappointing people or letting them think that they cannot count on me. Whether it’s at work, at home or with friends, it’s easy to become overwhelmed when saying yes to too many things. I had to learn to say no. It was not a natural word to say to me, but I’m better at it now. Here is a list of 10 no’s that helped me be a little more myself, find balance and rule out useless distractions.
1. No to weekly family dinners.
Learn to say no to your family. My mom likes to have Sunday lunches with all her kids and grand children at her house. I enjoy those gatherings from time to time but not every weekend. I just don’t enjoy my family’s company enough to endure it every week.
So, when my mom sends her group messages asking who and when everyone’s available, I say I’m not available and if she calls for a justification, I just tell her I feel like staying at home and recharge my batteries after a long week. I don’t over-justify myself. A simple “I don’t feel like it this weekend” is enough. Be thankful for the invitation, avoid wobbly no’s and offer an alternative that better suits you.
In the beginning, it was hard to feel my mom’s frustration, but I stuck with the no and it got easier over time.
2. No to ironing.
Learn to say no to some chores because your loved ones also have the ability to help around the house. My husband and I take care of all the chores at home. I tend to buy clothes I know won’t wrinkle because I despise ironing. Unfortunately, my husband has to wear dress shirts and slacks to work, so all of his clothes have to be ironed.
After years of ironing (mostly his clothes), I decided it would be his chore from now on. I don’t iron anymore and it feels nice. Pick a chore you can fully delegate and free yourself from that small burden.
3. No to loyalty cards.
Do you have our store card? No. Are you interested in getting one? No thank you. I’m not against saving money, getting points, or getting a good deal at all, but only when I decide to. Most days, I just want to buy what I need and go home. I surely don’t want to buy my TV or clothes on a credit card either.
I don’t want the emails, texts or flyers that go with a card. I don’t want to give the nice cashier my personal information either. I find that discounts and coupons often make me buy things I don’t need anyways. My junk email folder is already way too full to my liking and yes you can print my receipt.
Learn to say no to most marketing because it invades your space, your email, your wallet, your mail box and eventually your mind.
4. No to mailing lists.
I like the concept, but once again it’s been used and abused. I like following some websites and blogs. I find that when you subscribe to a mailing list, you just get bombarded with emails sometimes every day. I would like to get one good quality email per month that I know will be informative or entertaining, but instead I get what we all get… You can’t go wrong with quality over quantity.
In the end, these people are shooting themselves in the foot because these emails just get deleted right away and eventually people unsubscribe. Learn to say no to at least some mailing list teasers so you can actually take the time to really read the couple ones you signed up for.
5. No to the school parents’ association.
Unless you have a lot free time. I like to help set up an event or bake pies, but I made the mistake of joining the parents’ association when I moved where I’m currently living and I quickly regretted it.
I didn’t realize I was going to be stuck there until the end of elementary school, and that’s a long time. Meetings, finding sponsors, setting up giant tents (taking them down), selling tombola tickets to the whole town. And always a little bit of school drama along the way.
All these activities are time consuming and an extra burden to an already busy life. I felt the school activities’ fate was all on just a few parents’ shoulders (always the same ones pitching in). I eventually got out and let the newer, fresher parents take over. Helping out for school or charities is really rewarding. It always about balance, so learn to say no when it becomes too much. People are understanding.
6. No to unrealistic deadlines at work.
I worked in a restaurant kitchen for a long time and we catered also. My boss had never cooked and didn’t realize how much time things took. Sometimes he would have expectations on quantities and deadlines that couldn’t be met with only 2 cooks in the kitchen and that always led to uncomfortable conversations.
I had to learn to say no to some requests and be the realistic one. I learned to stick to the facts. I would calmly list how long it would take us to make whatever he wanted and how much it would cost. With the facts straight, my boss had no room to argue and we were able to give realistic quotes to customers that could be fulfill in a timely manner.
7. No to tiring vacations.
I often found myself coming back from vacation as tired as I was when I left. I felt I needed a vacation to recover from my week of vacation.
Now, when we go somewhere, I resist the urge of over planning activities. There are just too many things to see or do in one trip. Some places are worth several trips.
Pick three things you really want to do and keep plenty of room in your schedule for naps by the pool, unplanned walking around and nights out with the family.
8. No to notifications.
I turned off all notifications from all social media, text messages and so on. Being interrupted constantly is counterproductive and just plain annoying.
I keep a distance with my personal phone and check it perhaps 5 times per day. Do not expect an instant response from me. I check my phone when I can and respond when I can also. Some people find it annoying, but it is my way of staying in charge of my privacy.
9. No to 3-day message conversations to plan a lunch date.
How can we send each other back and forth messages for days to plan a basic activity?
Just call me if you want to have coffee with me next week. In less than 2 minutes, we can find out our availabilities and set a date! This messaging thing can be such a waste of time. I love technology when it makes my life easier, but some people use it in a way that’s just inefficient.
10. No to endless to-do lists.
I like lists in general. They help me stay on track and have a clear picture in mind of what has to be done. I use them at work all the time and I almost always get to the end of them.
In private, having a home to maintain, children to take care of, pets, a big yard, etc. I could have tens of to-do lists and thinking about them is overwhelming. I focus on the urgent and what’s going to have the most impact on our daily lives.
For example, we spend a lot time inside in the winter time, so I make sure the house is clean, tidy and pleasant. Windows don’t need to be cleaned too often and that crack on the wall can wait. In the summer time, I’ll focus on the outside and clean the house a little less.
I prioritize because I only have two hands and I always want to have time for fun and relaxing moments during the week.
Saying no doesn’t seem to come naturally (except for toddlers). It’s a skill you acquire. Practice makes perfect. The more you say no, the easier it will become. Learn to say no and don’t forget to be clear and avoid “maybes”. Be thankful for the offer and find an alternative only if you feel like it.
“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” (Paolo Coelho)
Check out TinyBuddah’s article “How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No” to find out more about why it is so hard to say No.
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