Moving away from family is seeking a new lease on life, a fresh start and just being curious about what else is out there. It can be seen as a selfish decision at first, but it really is about feeling fulfilled and happy in the end.
Can we make it away from the home and the people we’ve always known? Can you deal with the sacrifices and the hardship that moving away from family requires? Here is the list of pros and cons of moving away from family to help you get a better picture of what it entails.
Pros of moving away from family :
1. Moving away is freedom.
I remember our first move very far away from our family. It was to Alaska for my husband’s work. We didn’t have a relocation agreement which meant we had to pay for our move ourselves. We couldn’t afford it at the time, so we sold everything and left with two suitcases each. My husband and I mailed a big army trunk full of things that had a sentimental value and that I wanted to have with me.
I remember this feeling of relief and total freedom I felt after selling everything. We were back at square one, with no belongings and no worry either. It was just the two of us and it felt great.
2. You are in charge of your life.
Moving away from you family and everything you know is putting you in charge of your fate. Most people live in place because they fell into a job or a relationship and didn’t really choose it.
Not being trapped in one place is ensuring you will not get stuck in a dead-end that will make you miserable. Moving is seeking joy and is a very positive thing. Moving is a way to stay happy.
3. Keeping things alive.
Moving away from family is breaking the routine that can be sucking the life out of you. When you move to a new place, you are like a tourist living there. You explore, you try everything that’s available and all of it seems exciting because it’s new.
It is also a great way to reinforce the relationship you have with your partner and your kids. Being without a support system naturally makes your family unit stronger and tighter.
4. Being away brings you closer to family.
I often say that I had such a deeper relationship with the family members that matter to me when I was away from them than when I was next to them. We all take each other for granted when we live nearby.
Seeing my parents wasn’t special or even interesting most of the time. Moving away forced us to have Skype conversations and write emails. We never really had any deep interactions when we saw each other often.
Moving away also makes you more interesting to some family members. Some siblings that I wasn’t in touch with before leaving started writing me and even visited. No one ever visited me back home. My guest bedroom was always available.
5. Moving away can be an inspiration to the younger ones.
I remember the first time I felt with certainty I would go to the U.S. I was about 9 and I had a Belgian cousin who redid a senior high school year in Minnesota to explore and learn English. She sent me a postcard telling me how life was there and I knew then that I wanted to do the same thing when I turned 18. I did… Only in a bigger city.
Now, I know that my teenage nieces would like me to take them on a trip to the U.S. and I gladly will. Travelling is a mind opener for the young. I’m happy to be the aunt that can help them and guide them through their travels so they can be safe and fulfill their need to explore .
Moving away from family and friends is not all fun and simple either. You need to ask yourself some tough questions before making a decision and anticipate it is going to be hard no matter what.
Cons of moving away from family :
1. You are going to be alone.
Moving is brutal and will make you realize what being alone means. Homesickness will hit and bring you down for some time. Leaving that support system I had behind was the hardest thing for me. Having people to count on gave me a sense of security. Before moving, I knew who I could call if I blew a tire or if my kids got sick and couldn’t go to school.
When you arrive in a new place, you have to take care of everything alone. Finding a car, a house, a school or just finding your way around while trying to be good at your new job is tough. You have to set your mind to warrior mode and get through it.
Making friends is a long process and also requires self-involvement and energy. Be ready to count on yourself for a while. Moving away with my husband and kids made us so much closer. We truly relied on each other and supported one another in tough times.
2. Moving is going to drain some of your finances.
Even if you don’t have to pay for your move, there are always things you have to buy when you arrive in a new place. For example, voltage is different between Europe and the U.S. so we had to buy new appliances. We also had to buy a second car and whatever furniture our new house needed.
It’s important to know what the cost of living is where you’re going. Moving to the U.S. with 2 young children tripled my day care budget compared to what it was in Belgium.
Also, you can’t avoid unplanned surprises. We shipped a car back to Europe once and the carrier’s quote didn’t involve the custom taxes we had to pay in Belgium to pick up the car. It made it not worth it in the end.
3. Relationships can’t be built from a distance.
Moving with two children under 3 years old taught me that it was nearly impossible to build relationships with my family back home through Skype only. Young kids need real interactions to be interested in people. A screen doesn’t cut it.
My parents visited us once a year and sent regular care packages to the kids, so they were able to have a nice tie after a while, but my brothers and their cousins were strangers to them. It’s hard to accept that the kids might not have any strong ties with their grand-parents or cousins.
4. You are going to miss the best and the worst.
I remember our home phone ringing in the middle of the night. It was my mom telling me my grandpa had passed away in Belgium. I was in Alaska and couldn’t afford a plane ticket back to go to his funeral. I knew when I had left Belgium that I would probably not see him again, but missing his funeral still is a big regret of mine today. Those are the hardest moments when you live away.
Missing births, birthdays and weddings is always part of the deal of moving away. Be prepared to miss decisive moments and have to deal with the guilt they bring.
5. You might not love your new place.
Moving away from family is not the end of it all and moving again or moving back home is always a possibility. You can move somewhere and realize after a while that this place is not where you want to be forever and that’s fine.
I considered every move like an adventure and for the first 2 moves, I wished I could have stayed there longer. Our third move to Massachusetts was harder and we realized after 2 years that we wanted to raise our young kids near family. My husband found a new job in Belgium and we moved back. I don’t consider it a failure. I loved my two years in Massachusetts with the kids at that age. We were able to become very close to them and really built a strong base to our relationship.
Moving away from family is a risky and courageous choice. It’s getting back into action and seeking a new purpose. Moving will make you feel things you have never felt before and discover how strong you can be. Also know that family ties can grow stronger being away and that in the end you are just trying to do what’s best for you and take your life to another level.
Everything comes with sacrifices and it’s up to you to decide if they’re worth it. My next move will come in a few years. My kids will be teenagers and my parents almost 70. I’m sure it will be hard and great in a whole different way. That will give me material to a sequel…
Check out Sandinmycurls’ article Moving Away From Family: Will the Guilt Kill You? for another look at expat life.
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Feeling Homesick? 5 Ways to Overcome Homesickness
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