Reasons to end a friendship can be diverse and subtle. How many real friends do you have? I would say only 2. I always felt that friends were time consuming so I never wanted to have too many. An old friend (who moved away and disappeared) once told me that I should always be able to count my friends on one hand. The 2 friends I have have been with me for 20 years.
I thought about breaking up with one of them at some point. What made me decide to end that friendship and initiate a break up? Here are 5 reasons to end a friendship.
1. She was selfish.
She was selfish. I always got her a birthday gift. Every year, I put in the time and money to get something special. After all, she was my special high school friend, she was always my sunshine and I loved her. I never got any present back from her. She constantly forgot my birthday and never made up for it other than with a “oops I forgot” message.
It got old after a few years.
2. She never acknowledged my children.
She never really acknowledged my children. Becoming a mom changed a big part of my life and when we were together, it felt like were not on the same page anymore. She didn’t have children yet and they only seemed to be a bother to her.
I imagined someone who cared about me (my best friend) would also care about my daughters. I let my girls picked their godmother when they were older and they picked my other friend.
3. Conversations were one-sided.
Conversations were one-sided. I also realized that conversations were always about her and sometimes, we would talk for 2 hours and she wouldn’t ask once about me, my job or anything related to my life. She was very self-centered at this point in her life.
I felt like I couldn’t confine in her anymore because she wasn’t giving me space. It became a one-sided friendship in which I would listen and advise only.
4. She was needy.
Needy and demanding described her perfectly, It was also part of her charm, I guess. She copied my homework, borrowed stuff, needed help writing her resume, was a little lazy, needed a ride, was one hour late…
There was always something and it felt like she never returned the favor.
5. She was a bad influence.
She started being a bad influence. Being single again, she went out all the time and partied like a college girl. Her new friends were cheaters, liars and irresponsible parents (in my eyes) and I didn’t understand how she could validate these behaviors.
She thought I wasn’t much fun. At that point, my husband wasn’t a fan of hers anymore and didn’t want to hang out with her at all. This was the last straw. We now had more reasons to end our friendship than to keep it going.
I’m not confrontational, so I just let things fade away. She lived her life, I lived mine and we didn’t call or text much anymore. I realized that our friendship had lost its fling. We had lost our connection.
There was no drama or big break up. We both knew we were not right for each other at the time. A few months later, her dad passed away and we re-connected little by little. She became a mother and we started having more things in common again.
She still doesn’t get me (or my kids) birthday gifts, she still forgets we’re supposed to meet and relies on others for too many things. I accept how she is today, but I don’t let her drag me into her drama. She can forget about birthday wishes and I tell her it bothers me when she’s late.
I voice my expectations more to her, and it helps. I’d say it is not the perfect friendship, but I’m okay with it. I lowered my expectations and set a slight distance between us. She is how she is and I still love her.
A friend of mine ended our friendship a long time ago. See my next article on how to accept that a friendship is over and how to cope with the grief.
If you’re in need of more practical advice, check out Bustle’s article on approved texts to end a friendship.
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