My 10 favorite toxic family quotes (and its collection of memoirs).
I thought using toxic family quotes would be a good way to illustrate what a lot of us go through with our family members. I would define family as any person that appears in my genealogical tree. We are all part of a family, sometimes dysfunctional, a little toxic and full of disagreements. Love always seems to be the superglue although it is well hidden sometimes.
Here are 10 toxic family quotes along with personal anecdotes. A full spectrum of emotions ahead…
1. A child should never feel as if they need to earn a mother’s love (Sherrie Campbell).
Nor a father’s love either… I always felt whatever I did annoyed my mother. There was always a distance between us and I tried really hard to make my mum happy. My dad only ignored me. I never felt or heard their love as a child.
It made me a not cuddly or very expansive about my love adult. My husband is the opposite and I always tell him he was lucky his mama hugged him and told him she loved him. I often have to remind myself to physically show my love to my children and tell them also. I don’t ever want them to question my love.
2. Siblings: children of same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together (Sam Levenson).
People always tell me that my daughters are so polite. They are indeed well behaved. Once they are home together without the weight of society watching; they let it all go. They argue, hit each other, slam doors, cry, pout and reconcile.
I feel like I was exactly the same as a kid. I was problem free in public, but once I got together with my brothers at home, all we did was fight over the remote control, steal each other’s cash, come up with the worst insults and always look suspiciously at each other.
Being with your siblings is like being in Las Vegas; no rules apply anymore. Although I think these episodes of madness are somewhat normal; they should be balanced out with some kindness too.
3. Family is supposed to be a haven. Very often, it’s the place we find the deepest heartache (Lyanla Vansart).
I didn’t realize, until I became a parent, how some of my childhood memories were in fact so hurtful and still bring tears to my eyes today. I was 8 when I won my first jumping show with a pony named Cloud. I had to walk and memorize the course alone, get my pony ready alone and deal with this new feeling of fear and pressure alone.
The bell rang and my pony took off so fast, I almost fell off. I recovered and gave it my all. I won. I was alone with my trophy and everyone clapping around me. It still is the first best day of my life. I was only 8 and my parents missed it. Once home, I got a “good job” and a pat on the back.
They had no idea how important that day was and still is today. How could they not be there? Maybe one day I’ll have the guts to ask them.
4. Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off (Ralph Boss).
On a lighter note, this is probably what I tell my kids (husband is guilty too) the most every day: (“turn the lights off, it’s not Versailles here!”). How hard is it to push a button? They’re supposed to be the Greta Thunberg generation; turning lights off should be their battle.
5. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family (Jerry Seinfeld).
That leads us to compromise. During family gatherings some will have more fun than others. I went to a water park resort with my husband, my parents and my daughters last weekend. Do you think my husband had fun walking around in a Speedo (no trunks allowed in European pools…) having to go down the wild water river, the dark hole and the so boring green slide 156 times?
Probably not as much as my daughters did. My dad painfully made it down the wild water river once and renounced. My mom watched for an hour and left. Good food, Belgian beers and walks on the beach made up for the always kind of painful pool experience, and we all enjoyed that weekend together after all.
6. Your heart knows when you have given too many chances.
In every family, there is always that person that can say or do the worst things and get away with them to better come back as nothing ever happened. For instance, insult you in front of the whole family, never apologize or accept to talk about it. Call you after a while to borrow your chainsaw and return it (or have you pick it up) 6 months later broken (but didn’t tell you).
Wisdom tells us to say thank you with a smile and go on with our life. Don’t be a patsy and give them the imaginary middle finger next time they need you.
7. When trouble comes, family’s there.
When people divorce, need a break or run into financial problems, family becomes a rock that they can rely on. My brother moved back to my parents’ after breaking up with his long-time girlfriend.
He couldn’t bare being alone and going back home helped him heal faster and get daily pep talks from my mom. Crises reinforce ties and I know I’ll be there for all my family members (despite all the drama).
8. Words don’t cover up actions.
My husband and his parents have a unique relationship. He has lived very far away from them for 20 years. We have always visited them in the U.S. and in spite of offering to buy their plane tickets, they never visited us. We felt like they didn’t like us enough and my husband decided to take a step back.
Now, they have a “text message” relationship only. They never call each other, write emails or Skype. They just send each other short text messages. They always write “I love you” at the end of their text, but I don’t think my husband feels or understands their love (I don’t). We are desperately in need of some action there.
9. My family’s mistakes were crucial in making me a better parent.
My husband and I always laugh when we are reminiscent of our childhood failures. I always tell him that I wonder how he turned out to be such a good man and great father with the toxic parents he had.
He just says that thanks to them he has the complete guide of what not to do to raise a kid. We learn from our mistakes and our parents’ too. Turning something negative into something positive is a great way to let go of the pain.
10. It wouldn’t hurt that much if you didn’t love them.
Childhood love is very powerful and resistant. My brother and I are such strangers today and I wish I could stop feeling bad about it. I still love the brother he was to me when I was a little girl.
All the adult drama and heartaches can’t make me stop loving him. Although it would be easier… No matter how annoyed or hurt you are by your family; there’s (almost) always an ounce of remaining love somewhere. I guess it means there is also hope for forgiveness and better days ahead…
Every family has its drama and share of problems. We all tend to behave differently with family members that we would with friends. Love is essential, but not enough to keep the peace. It’s important to set our boundaries to avoid being used and abused, but compromise is always good for cohesion.
Sometimes, walking away feels necessary and we all need a break from our family at some point. Should I forgive my parents, confront them? I would rather focus on living the present and not always dissect the past. Moving forward no matter what. Toxic family quotes are a good way to dedramatize matters that can be painful and keep the positive and funny vibes on top!
A last one for the road.
I already hugged you once father. That’s quite enough affection for a lifetime (Wednesday Addams).
Check out Scary Mommy’s toxic family quotes for more giggles, irony and an ounce of hope.
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